Mood: Kanye West: The College Dropout
Drew loves big traps on men, so naturally he was jealous of my shrug game (still is, too). After watching me show up for three weeks straight, he finally couldn’t take it anymore and approached me. With the faith of a fat man not trying any free samples at a Costco bakery of this actually happening, I accepted. He was going to teach me how to lift, and I was going to teach him computers. If nothing else, I’d survived another encounter with Drew. We set a date: May 15th. I’d been visiting my mom the week prior, and I told her how excited I was to work with someone with his expertise. I gave it 50/50 odds of it actually happening. I came home on May 11th.
At 0837 May 12th, 2023, my phone range. To this day, I don’t know why I answered. I don’t know why I agreed. I cannot explain the amount of time-stopping calculus that took place in the empty void I call a brain. I was in bed. All I had to do was roll back over, but the two cells bouncing around had finally met in their endless game of pong, and they made a decision. And what was that decision, you may ask? I invited a (probably) homicidal maniac over to pick out a guest room.
The content of that phone call and subsequent first visit are private. What I will share is that I have never in my life encountered a more honest person than Drew. It may be very loud, slightly abrasive, and often unnecessarily crass truth, but it’s all thriller and no filler. The man is exactly who he says he is, and his word is his bond. His values and morals remind me of my late father. They share a common thread of USMC.
On May 12th, 2023, Drew moved into my guest room. I’d not had a roommate in 10 years. Col. Hensley, if you ever read this, apologies again for having missed your going-away call! I had a few going on. I met Courtney that weekend as well. Poor Courtney. She did everything but ask if she could come inside. It was kind of funny. Anyhow, Courtney and I met as well. Which was good because she was basically here as well for the next six months.
Drew and I had a new deal. He was going to live here and train me, rent-free. In my head, this was going to last a max of 1-2 weeks. Maybe a month. I could tell Courtney still had feelings for him and Drew. Well, Drew is a talker, so I knew he did too. I’d given Drew a guaranteed place to stay until his next competition in August, but there was no way he’d be here until then. I was wrong. Way wrong. In a good way, but still, wrong.
April 2023, I decided to try a new gym, Boneyard Barbell. Sounds intense, right? As I’ve learned, you go there to train, not to lift. This was only my 5th month back in the gym. The owner wasn’t there to give me a keycard but gave me the combo to get in. Soon as I walked in, what I can only describe as the love child between Hulk Hogan & the Iron Sheik, semi greeted/yelled at me. I’m still not sure but regardless I peed myself a little in that moment. This behemoth of a man stood in front of me. His body odor was horrific but it matched the metal, HateBreed, that was making my ears bleed. He had the wolverine beard thing going on which you could argue was assaulting my eyes. The moment I opened the door to Boneyard, 
